If you could do something over, would you?

That is the question for this post. Would you do something completely over if you had the chance. I know I would. I screwed up the best friendship anyone could ever want by being a very negative person about a happy situation. You wanna know why I did that??? I'm not really sure myself... You see (gonna use fake names here to help make more sense) my friend Nancy and I are really close. We have a friendship that is incredibly hard to find. Once you have a friendship like this you don't want to get rid of it. Ever. You want to keep it for yourself and cheerish every minute of it. That's how much our friendship means to me. I honestly don't know what I would do without her... Saturday she told me some awesome yet not so awesome news... She's going start trying to have a baby. They have 2 kids that aren't even their own but they have full guardianship of them and they are barely scraping by right now. When she told me this news I was completely shocked. Tears started rolling down my eyes because I couldn't believe it. I immediatly jumped on her case telling her that it was wonderful news, but a bad idea because they aren't financially stable as it is. That they should wait. It blew up from there on. She said she thought people would call her stupid for this, but she never thought I would be the one to. I never said she was stupid for it, but the more and more I think about it I see where she's coming from. She wanted my support, the support from her best friend for this and I completely shot it down. But I feel like it is my job as her best friend to tell her as it is. By the end of the conversation she had told me she didn't want to talk to me anymore and to just leave her alone. I haven't heard from her since.
I sent her a text last night, telling her how excited I would be if they were to have a baby. That I will support her through it. But not once within the text did I apologize for what I had told her about being financially stable enough for it. I don't plan on it. I WANT to be wrong about this. I want them to be financially stable enough to do this. I want to see that look in her eyes when she holds that baby for the first time. That joy on her face that I haven't seen in years. I want to be able to hold that beautiful baby myself and tell it just how much I love it and how much love it will always have from so many people. I can't stand the thought of not being there for her through it all.
We've gotten into fights before, but she's never not spoken to me for this long. I miss her. She's the only true friend my age that I have down here. She's the one I go to anytime I'm upset, she doesn't even ask what's wrong sometimes just holds me while I cry and I do the same for her. I'm so scared that I screwed this up. I haven't been able to sleep and I can't rant to anyone abou this because then the rumors will spread or they'll say "she's so stupid for wanting this" I don't want to hear that. I don't want to hear anything from anyone. I just want to let it all out and I can't because she's the only one I talk to about anything really. It sucks. She has so many people in her life that she can talk to. I don't think she realizes just how much our friendship means to me. And I screwed it up. I feel like pardon my language but shit for this. It just sucks. :(
So that night I would do over if I could. I miss her so much. I feel like a piece of me is gone and that sounds so dramatic but it's the truth. I will be supportive of her through this, I will be there every step of the way... if she allows me to.

Sorry this is such a depressing post. I just really needed to write it all out.

AHH!!! So freaking stuffed!! :)

As we all know Thanksgiving has come and past now. Pardon my text language but OMG!!! I haven't stopped eating since Thursday!! (it is now Sunday night) Thursday I went hunting in the morning with my little bruder (that's my nickname for him) and we got nothing. :( stupid deer. But oh well it was fun. I then went to 2 Thanksgiving meals in a row at Shoney's. I was so stuffed afterwards it's unreal. I then went shopping that night with a friend and then at ten o' clock my Mom and I went shopping at Wal-mart. Oh wow that was crazy, we waited two hours in line for a lap top. It was really awesome to be honest. The sale started at 12:00 and we got out of there by 12:20. Awesome I thought considering the crowd and all. I had such a wonderful weekend full of family. When it comes to a holiday that's the only people I want to be surrounded by is family. They mean the world to me. Family from up north (that haven't been to a dinner of ours since Papaw died four years ago) it was awesome. We celebrate our Thanksgiving on Saturday so everyone can be there. It was just so wonderful like I can't even describe the time that I had. It was just amazing :)

In other news college continues to go well. I find myself staying at home more then I am on campus though. I don't know there's just something about my roomates that drives me insane. She's an absoulute sweet heart and a great roomie, it's just I get annoyed by her sometimes. I don't know I think I just need a break from them (my suite mate and my roomie cause they're basically the same person) My zombie paper was amazing. I am so proud of it. :) My tips on how to survive a zombie apocalypse are amazing if I do say so myself. I just hope the teacher thinks so as well. The bad thing is I don't think I'm going to find out. See my English professor has cancer, so she's been out a lot. I found out this week that we will not be having class for the rest of the semester, just individual meetings every now and again, which just really sucks because that is my favorite class. So now I only have one class a day for the rest of the semester... I don't know what I'm going to do with myself. I'm going to be so bored now after class, I mean I get a lot of homework in math but it's not enough to occupy me.. I don't know, I suppose I will find something.
In other other news, I'm not really sure. I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving. I know I did. :)
Oh!! My other news is that I think I'm going to be getting my next tattoo here soon. I'm going to be getting the word Hope with the breast cancer ribbon in it on my left shoulder. I can't wait :) till next time (and I may have a pic of my new tat by then) Take care ya'll!!! :D

Cyberbullying

Cyberbullying, the topic for my first college research paper. Let me tell you something, there is a lot of information on this particular topic. I have to cite eveything as well (never really learned how to do that.) Apparently there are two main style APA and... Chicago?? I think that's the other one. Well me being the high school slacker that I was somehow avoided having to cite anything. Yet another example of how I should've taken Mrs. Sims comp class. Uggh.. But this topic is very interesting, I wanted to do something on zombies, but my teacher never specified on how serious she wants this (although I think zombies are a very serious issue and everyone should be informed about such monsters) so I'm playing it safe and going with something serious... Kind of makes me a sad panda :( but oh well I will have more opportunities in the future to do something funny :)
In other news I saw Kaycie this weekend. We had a blast!! It took me 6 hours to get up to New Castle but when I got there the smile on my face never faded. I missed her sooooo much!! My mom, her mom, her and I all went to Hacienda (amazing btw) then we went and saw Paranormal Activity 3. That was fun. Kaycie and I then went to a haunted orhird. I basicaly laughed my way through it, those kind of things just don't scare me anymore. :( but that's okay. We had a great time and that's all that matters.
My Halloween was really depresssing. This is the first year that I haven't spent the actual day with Kaycie and this is also the first year that I didn't dress up. I hated that fact. My roomates are really scaredy cats so they wouldn't watch scary movies with me, so I watched the Halloween marathon they had on AMC all by my lonesome. It was a lonely night. We did have a couple trick-or-treaters though. I gave them some mac and cheese. My roomates then began to cristisize them for trick-or-treating and made me feel like crap because I would be doing that if someone would've gone with me. It was just really depressing and then they put a sign on the door saying to leave us alone. I was about ready to just leave I was getting so mad. Halloween is my favorite holiday and they ruined it for me this year. Although I did get my roomate Casi really good. She was watching a little bit of Halloween with me just to see what was happening and it was a really eerie part and I screamed really loud and she jumped like 10 ft back. It was the highlight of my night. I then took out the trash and she waited by the door looking through the peep hole and waited for me. When I got to the door she opened it and scared me to death. I have to give her credit bc it's hard to scare me lol. :)
We have a really good relationship, my roomates and I. They asked me to get an apartment with them next year so I'm pretty excited for that. It's good to know where and who I'm going to be living with next year.
In other news!! I have recently found out some great news!! IUPUI has a dental hygiene program just like USIs and sooo I am going to apply to their dental hygiene program when the time comes and hope for the best :) If I go there I will be closer to Kaycie which would be amazing!!! I hate not having her here all the time and having to travel 4 hours just to see her. Hopefully it will work out :) but that is all. I hope everything is going well for everyone else. ttfn!!

LOL to the pic!!! I think this is my favorite one!!

Ahh, college.

Once again instead of writing a paper (that is due tomorrow and I have yet to start on it) I am blogging. Maybe blogging gets my head in the write gear.... yea we'll go with that one. So this is officially to benifit me. College is a challenge, like I said in my previous post. I'm finding more and more things difficult to balance. I ended up having to drop a class :( sad panda, I loved that class, but I took it once in high school as a duel credit. The class in college was soley based on tests, and that's where I freeze up. It's not that I don't know the information, it's just that when it comes to tests I freak out completely. It sucks. Hopefully I don't have to many classes based just on that. The ones that I do though I'm going to study (and pardon my french) ass off to no end. But anyway, I realize now that much of this doesn't make sense. I really need to get one mind set going and turn off my phone and all other distractions from me. As my English Professor says BICHOK, which is an acronym (Sp?) for butt in chair hands on keyboard. I really think that is going to stick with me. When ever I need to just sit down and write that's what I think about.
In other news, I have recently discovered that I am in date mode again. :) yay for me for getting over a heartbreak officially :D I love this feeling. I'm currently dating this guy (Aaron Hadley you prolly remember him, he's hard to forget) he's a great guy. He's in the military now thou so we are taking things extremely slow, which is definantly fine by me. :) This is also the first weekend that I have stayed on campus. It has been amazing. Last night (Saturday) we (as in Jaime, her mom, Aaron and I) all went to the haunted houses down here. It was a blast. Afterwards Aaron and I went and saw Paranormal Activity 3 the midnight showing. It was great!! I have this big manly army guy sitting next to me holding my hand and screaming and freaking out the whole time. Oh my goodness it was great! I laughed through a good majority of it, although some parts got to me and one really almost made me cry. :/ But it was such a wonderful weekend. :) I get to go see Kaycie this weekend, I'm so incredibly excited. She came down here last weekend, but now it's just going to be me and her time. Then it was whoever wanted to be around her could. :) Halloween is hers and mine thing. We love to celebrate it. We go TPg, to the haunted houses, to grave yards and watch scary movies all the time. I miss having her here for that. She's the only one out of my friends that loves to do that stuff as much as I do. Last weekend her and I went to the haunted house in Washington. It was good, we walked through it and laughed, but they did a good job. I'm sure they scared the people that are jumpy and had a blast with it.

But that is all for right now, wish me luck on this paper. I pray I get it done and don't continue to have such awful writers block. :/ ttfn!!

An update on my life?? Sure why not I have nothing else to do like a paper or something :/

Well college is definantly a wake up call to what Pike Central was like. They do not prepare you whatsoever. Thank you Mrs. Sims for being the only teacher at Pike Central High School that actually cared enough to get us prepared. I regret not taking more of your classes. I currently have to write a paper reflecting an article I read... Not sure how to set it up or anything because she GAVE THE ASSIGNMENT ONLINE!!! That is so aggrivating. Have this done by the next day but teach yourself and there aren't any examples. Good freaking luck!! Ugh. Other then this I love college. It's amazing. I love the challenge it provides me. I've already gone through one roomate. :/ we had a.. dispute. My new roomies are amazing and I love them. They're so much fun and great people all around.
I've recently realized what home really is. I find myself being homesick quiet often. It kind of sucks, but at the same time home isn't very far. So I can go back anytime I need to. Kaycie has moved far away... I miss her lots and lots. She is my best friend, has been since we were in first grade, it's a really difficult transition.. I couldn't even imagine what she's going through if I'm going through this. My friend Jaime has really been helping me out through this. She definantly keeps me busy on the weekends. I am so thankful for her. She's quiet a bit older then I am, 23 to be exact, but she's great. She has the heart of an 18 year old lol.

Nothing much has really been going on otherwise. Just been staying busy. I had better get back to work :/ until next time :)

My Best Friend

My best friend got married yesterday. She was the most beautiful bride I have ever seen in my life. She took my breath away. I got the privalege of being in her wedding as one of her bridesmaid. I have never seen someone as happy as she was yesterday. She deserves it. Everything that she has done for everyone, she deserves to be this happy and in love with someone as amazing as he is. He is so great. I have no other words to describe about him really. He does what needs to be done and has the best intentions for everything. He was so happy to finally get married to the love of his life. I do hope they have a long and happy life together, they each deserve it. I've never seen so much love between two people before... I wish that it was that way for everyone. No matter what everyone deserves to experience that kind of happiness.
Her and I have been through so much together. But I would never leave her side, a friendship like the one we have is so hard to find and so valuble. I love every second that we have together, whether it's a dull moment or the most fun we've had in years. I'm not afraid to tell her anything because I know that she'll be right there, waiting for my explination of how I screwed up or of my amazing news about something. (Anymore it's amazing news about something GO ME! : D) She's the first one I call when I'm hurting emotionally and I'm the first one she calls. This all sounds so sappy, but I really can't hold it in any longer and she already knows all of this stuff.
I am so proud of her. She does so much and she's changed her life completely around. Over the summer I have noticed a huge change in her. Because of this at first it was hard to come together. But because of her change I feel myself changing for the better as well. She started going to church more, I have always gone, but now I just want to be more involved with it. I want her to feel like I'm influencing her life as much as I feel like she is influencing mine. I really feel that it makes the friendship that much stronger.
People just don't understand it seems. It's so aggrivating. I know we have a past of fighting... but that doesn't matter now, what's done is done and we can't live in the past. Now all we can do is just forget it. They ask me why we're still friends and why I do so much for her and blah blah blah, I simply tell them you don't know her at all. Yes we have our differences, but that makes us stronger. She is, and will always be, my best friend. And if anyone has any objections then they can just suck my big toe. :) that is all I do suppose. Whoever reads this please ignore the cheesiness, I just really had to get all this off my chest.

I learned my speeches the exact same way I learned how to memorize music in marching band. In marching band we would do a section memorize it then start from the beginning again and do it all memorized. It's a great method that Mr. Miller taught us. Memorize it little by little and you'll be shocked on how easily you did memorize it. I practice my speeches by taking my cat and making sure he is asleep and reciting it to him time after time. He never talks back and he just usually sleeps, but it really helps. Some successful tips that I can share is practice it little by little and you'll have it memorized extremely easily.

I got this image from: thephantomnocity.com

In all honesty my first speech was better then my second one. My second one I didn't like how I had it wrote so I didn't memorize it very well. I do believe that my nerves have improved greatly. This second speech I wasn't near as nervous and I even volunteered right then and there for it. I think I was more myself with this second one. I would like to improve on my writing of the actual speech, and I would like to actually like my speech and think it was good. I plan on spending more time on my speech and putting more effort into writing the actual body and introduction.

I got this picture from: clipartof.com

Meh...

Well I finally did it. The ultimate defiance. I got a tattoo. It's a very cute one :) I'm really proud of it, and it even has some type of meaning to it. See I got a star, actually 3 stars and the meaning behind it that I've given is all my real friends have a star in their tattoos. I have three other friends who have stars in theirs, they are the ones I want to remember for the rest of my life. I love that I can now, all I have to do is look at my tattoo :) it makes me very happy on the inside :). In other news... slightly... it hurt. I got it done on my hip bone and pardon my text terms but OMG!!! I almost cried multiple times. Ashleigh was there holding my hand all the way through.. thank god cause everytime he got close to my hip bone I nearly cried!! I almost think it was worse then giving birth... I know I know.. I don't have any children but at least with giving birth you get meds!!! :)
Other then that life has been pretty good. My friend and I are starting at a gym Monday, which I defiantly have to get money put back for that. She asked me to help her loose weight well I am. I started a workout and diet plan for her. I also did a bribe to get her off of fast food and I'm slowly but surely weening her off soda. I hope this works.. Her self confidence has gone down so much, she really is a beautiful young lady.. I wish she would just realize this, but if this is what I've got to do to make her then I shall :) I'm positive she will feel a million times better knowing she accomplished this goal. I'm proud so proud of her...
But yeah. I do believe that is all... I apparently have more followers then I thought I ever would on this blog.. I'm not entirely sure how I feel on this yet. I don't think I like it in all honesty.. No offense to anyone, but my personal blogs are comin off here... So I guess ttyl.